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'Caddyshack': Best Quotes From the Movie

It's hard to believe that it's been almost 30 years since Chevy Chase, Billy Murray, Rodney Dangerfield and Ted Knight hit the links for the classic golf comedy 'Caddyshack' -- probably because a) it still ranks as one of the funniest films of all time and b) it's so chock-full of one-liners that 29 years later it's difficult not to work them into everyday conversation.

In addition to checking in with the cast in our 'Caddyshack': Where Are They Now?, we've gone ahead and compiled a list of the most indelible -- and hilarious -- lines uttered by Chase's playboy golfing ace Ty, Murray's idiotic greenskeeper Carl, Dangerfield's loud-mouthed corporate bigwig Al and Knight's uptight Judge Smails, just in case you needed a refresher. So you've got that going for you, which is nice. -- By Tom DiChiara


Ty Webb (Chevy Chase): [singing] "I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first ... What do you say we take this out on the patio?"

Judge Smails (Ted Knight): "You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself."
Ty: Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch."

Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield): "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."

Carl Spackler (Bill Murray): "Cinderella boy. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

Carl: "So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas."
Angie D'Annunzio: "A looper?"
Carl: "A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald ... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a 10,000-foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? 'Gunga galunga .... gunga, gunga-lagunga.' So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that going for me, which is nice."


Best R-rated comedies ever | More on 'Caddyshack'


Judge Smails: "I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them."

Ty: "Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball, Danny."
Danny: "It's hard when you're talking like that."

Al: "Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."

Al: "You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?"

Ty: "Don't be obsessed with your desires, Danny. The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy."

Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe): "I gotta go to college."
Ty: "You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia."

Carl: "This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."

Spaulding Smails (John F. Barmon Jr.): "This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it."

Ty: "You take drugs, Danny?"
Danny: "Every day."
Ty: Good. Then what's your problem?"

Ty: "What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape ... How come you're here?"

Lacey Underall (Cindy Morgan): "My uncle says you've got a screw loose."
Ty: "Your uncle molests collies."

Al: "Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it."

Carl: [prepping to dynamite the gopher tunnel] "In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher.'"

Al: "Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. When you buy a hat like this, I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [sees Judge Smails wearing the hat] Oh, but it looks good on you, though [rolls his eyes]."

Ty: "You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body."

Ty: "Thank you very little."

Al: "I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

Spaulding: "Doody!"

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