Funny People Movie Quotes

When guys like Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman get together to make a movie with Judd Apatow, the most successful comedic writer-director working in film today, it's kind of a no-brainer that it's going to be so funny you might actually lose control of your bodily functions.

Just for your scatological enjoyment, we've compiled our favorite one-liners, retorts and quips from one helluva group of 'Funny People,' which, coincidentally, is the title of their new flick hitting theaters today. Add your favorites in the comments section -- and we know it might be hard, but please try to keep them PG-13. -- By Tom DiChiara


George Simmons (Adam Sandler): "You can cup my balls, Leo. My balls are for the world."

Ira Wright (Seth Rogen): "I'm really good at 'Guitar Hero,' and I thought maybe I should get a guitar. Then I thought, like, I'm really good at 'Grand Theft Auto.' Maybe I should start beating up hookers."

Leo Koenig (Jonah Hill): "Just saw the new 'Harry Potter.' Man, those kids grew up. He should be called Harold Potter. And that Hermione, she's got some tit-ties!"

Mark Taylor Jackson (Jason Schwartzman): "Don't do this to me. Don't you put me in this corner where I have to f*** my way out."
Leo: "He'll do it, too. I've seen him do this before."

Dr. Lars (Torsten Voges): [in a thick European accent] "You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies."
George: "And I enjoy all of your movies."
Dr. Lars: Which movies?
George: "The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis."

George [to Dr. Lars]: "Are you mad that you died at the end of 'Die Hard'?"

George: "So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism."
Ira: "I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised."


'Funny People' showtimes & tickets | Famous roommates
Sandler, Rogen and Mann Unscripted Q&A

Mark: "When my grandfather died, there was this one candle next to his bed and the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to heaven, you know?"
Leo: "You don't pass through fire to get to heaven. I think he went to hell."

Clarke (Eric Bana): "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Ingrid (Maude Apatow and Iris Apatow): "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Clarke: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Iris: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Clarke: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Mable and Iris: "Bobba-boo-yow!"
Ira: "Wow, that was like a scene from 'Deer Hunter.'"

Leo: [about Daisy] "She's mousy. She's like a mouse I want to stick my di** in."

George: "I've got some advice for the ladies. Don't ever say, 'You're the first guy I ever got the whole thing in my mouth. Normally, I only get half way down, but with you I've got a ball in my mouth and I'm speaking perfectly clear.'"

George: [to Ira about Leo] "Where's the other guy? You know, the fat version of you."

Chuck (RZA): Michael Richards gets a pass from me because Kramer's my ni****."

Ira: "Wilgo to Wilco."
Daisy (Aubrey Plaza): "Now we won't."
Ira: "Really?"
Daisy: "No, I'll go with you. Just don't ever say that again."

Laura (Leslie Mann): [to George] "Why did you cheat on me? I was so hot."

Chuck: [to Ira] "You're not funny. You're funny looking. But you're not funny."

George: "I thought Jews didn't like being on lists."

Ira: "I think in China you're not allowed to have two daughters."

Ira: [to Ray Romano, after Eminem yells at him] "I thought everybody loved you."

Ira: "Do you ever get sick of singing the same songs over and over?"
James Taylor: "Do you ever get tired of talking about your di**?"

James Taylor: "F*** Facebook!"