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Trailer Killed the Movie Star



I don't need to see the upcoming film 'Brothers', starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire and Natalie Portman. Not that I would anyway, but after seeing the trailer, I now know a Marine dies and his brother slithers into the role as "caretaker" for the widow and kids. Then, of course, it turns out he's not dead, blah blah blah. I won't give any more away, but the trailer goes on after that, revealing even more of the plot. Thank you Lionsgate. I can save my $11 when it hits theatres December 4.

I hate trailers. I particularly hate that I'm a hostage of sorts in the theatre, there early to get a seat, but forced to watch four or five trailers. Should I close my eyes and stick fingers in both my ears, repeating "lalalalala I can't hear you; I can't hear you"?

'Brothers' Trailer



I don't recall trailers always being like this. Thirty seconds should suffice, kind of like the descriptions on a television guide. I went to an indie theatre to see 'Capitalism: A Love Story' and there were zero trailers. It was beautiful. If a friend told you the amount of information about a movie that we are told in a trailer, you'd kill them.

Some people aren't as derisive about trailers. Karen Gordon, a fill-in movie reviewer for CBC who sees between 25 and 75 films a year, believes they are their own art form. "The job of a trailer really is to sexify the movie so that you get excited and want to see it," says Gordon. "That's why I think of trailers as their own kind of art form with their own specific style of cutting and pacing. Of course, the form requires a great voice-over, which is that extra dimension of fun. I think of a trailer as a ride. I want it to make me excited and make me feel uplifted."

I recently went to see '2012'. Yeah, don't hold that against me. Fantastic special effects, but a profoundly ridiculous script. Not the whole 2012 phenomenon - that's cool, but the way these silly little vehicles and pedestrian drivers can out-manoeuvre earthquakes and tsunamis at the last split-second. Yeah, I fell sucker to the trailer, I admit it.

'Did You Hear About the Morgans' Trailer



Before '2012' started, though, several other trailers were shown. Now I don't have to see 'Did You Hear About The Morgans' either, with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant, out December 18. I know the estranged couple have to go into the witness protection program. Oh yes, let the hilarity begin. I wonder what's going to happen? Will they bicker and fight? Yes. Will there be moments of renewed fondness? You betcha. If you're already sick of reading this, then the trailer warrants the same groan.

Then came a trailer for a film I likely would have seen featuring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, and a bunch of people I don't know. Those are the best kind – when I don't know the actors, such as 'Slumdog Millionaire' and 'District 9', where the actors' talent isn't overshadowed by their celebrity. But I digress. The film is called 'Green Zone' and opens March 12. Plenty of time for me to forget what I've seen. Matt is bloody, kidnapped, interrogated. Cool. Right? Oh, then there's more - a fight, gunshots. Enough? Don't be silly. "I came here to find weapons and save lives," Matt tells a commander in the next scene. But does he? Do we have to see the movie to find out. NO! They tell us he keeps coming up empty-handed. Believe it or not, all of this comes up just one minute into a two-minute trailer. I'll end the reveal here. No point ruining it for everyone. (But if you must know, all you have to do is watch the trailer below, and everything will be told.)

'Green Zone' Trailer'



My movie companion, Bruce Scott, shares my view but has a slightly different perspective. "Actually, I like trailers. You consider that movies cost about 12 bucks and there are about four trailers in front of each movie, it saves me about $50 bucks each time I go a movie because it just reinforces how awful most of these movies are and how once I've seen the trailer, there's no reason to see the film," Scott says.

"They usually don't make trailers for good films. The best thing about trailers is they show you the movie in their entirety and you don't have to spend the money to then go see them. Janeane Garofalo once pointed out that they always start off with 'In a world...," which can be expanded to 'In a world where wrong is right, day is night, and black is white, once man has the chance to set things right.'"

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